Tuesday, 20 November 2018

Recipe for a Kitchen Remodel

[Laughter] Wait a minute Was that for me? Yes

You are the dumbass that we're talking about You're not responsible for anything that's gonna happen? I don't want to do this I don't want to do this It's too late We're already begin, Howard

Oh, OK I'm set I got it Howie Mandel, everybody [Cheering and applause] Howie

[Cheering and applause] I got to ask you Yeah? Are you handy around the house? I'm not–hands aren't anything to do with it I'm fisty

I'm a little fisty around the house wherever I go I'm not handy wherever I go This is a mistake, but it's too late I thought this was gonna be your podcast, and then on the way here, they said it's building They said, "Will you do Adam's show?" I said, "I'd love to do Adam's show

" All right Please never say you're a little fisty again [Laughter] Adam, voice-over: I'm Adam Carolla I've been a comedian for over 20 years, but before that, I was a carpenter The show you're about to watch has been 25 years in the making

The first time I was on camera was doing a public-access show mixing carpentry and comedy Live, you're on the air Adam, voice-over: That's right He's been torturing me since the fifth grade He's a carpenter, and now I get to torture him

Rounding out my full-time crew are experienced carpenter Aubrey and DIY expert Joselyn So far, we've built a loft with Jimmy Kimmel, a panic room with Adam Sandler, a greenhouse with Michael Rapaport, made over a backyard with Trace Adkins, and customized a garage with Jenna Elfman No hired help here, just me and my friends doing it the way we've always done it–live [Cheering and applause] Welcome to "Adam Carolla and Friends Build Stuff Live" I'm Adam Carolla

This is my friend and star of "America's Got Talent" Howie Mandel, everybody It's great to be here Not really, but I want to quit Tonight we're taking on the country's most popular project– the kitchen It's a real estate money maker, but it can be really expensive, so in the next hour, we're gonna show you how to remod the entire kitchen In an hour on your own– On my own Well, not your own

Oh Your own at home It's not gonna happen Here, we have a dedicated staff, and we are gonna do this all together We're gonna do sinks, countertops, repaint the cabinets, the drawers– Oh, we're gonna sink

[Laughter] new flooring, and the whole 9 yards Anyway, you can build along with instructions that Howie's holding up there– that's right I got instructions Like this is gonna help Yeah

You go to spikecom/buildstufflive, and you build along with us Ray, Aubrey, Joselyn are here Good to see you guys [Cheering and applause] Now we're gonna come over here

Howie: We're here? I think– Aubrey is– I'm wearing safety gear Don't touch the man I think the last time a Jew built something, his name was Jesus Ha ha ha! [Laughter and groans] Oh, God, I've never built– I can't even change a light– I'm telling you, I almost burned down my house changing a light bulb I'm not–I'm not kidding

I got a shock, and I've never touched anything since And when my kids were little, I built a tree house We don't have trees, and when I finished, it wasn't a house It was just some wood that I bought, and I made a lean-to and told them it was a very short tree house– "Get in it"– and I'm not– I don't get along with my children to this day Howie, we're gonna change your life tonight

I hope so Aubrey, what do we got here for a build? Well, we just pulled off all the doors and drawers and gave them to Joselyn She's gonna start painting our new color OK, what did we do? We pulled off the drawers and doors We gave them to you

Want to feel like I'm involved That's right, boss You got it All right, so that's where we started, and I'm glad we're gonna paint all this stuff because, first off, let me show you the horrible house that I grew up in Can I show you the kitchen of the house I grew up in? Go ahead

This is the kitchen of the house I grew up in in North Hollywood That is the sink Look at the paint Look at the puke green, avocado, burnt– burnt avocado guacamole, puke green The sink–it's a little hard to tell, but can you people see that the upper cabinets are in front of the sink? So, your head would be inside a cabinet when you were doing dishes? Was your mother 4'2"? She was wide, but she wasn't quite that short, but either way, do we have a– Now, so I was depressed

That's how I grew up, and at some point, I decided to flip the script, Howie, and you're painting over there, right, Joselyn? Joselyn, you painting? Yep I'm gonna prep and paint these cabinets and drawers Howie: She's not only gonna paint She's gonna prep That's right

Adam: All right, we saw– Need a hand with that, Jos? Actually, yeah, of course Come on over I'm gonna go prep I want to prep this lady Go prep and paint

[Hooting and cheering] I want to prep Let's– We have my house that I later on built in overcompensation for the house that I grew up in, and let me show you the kitchen in that, and we'll talk about paint for a second [Audience oohs] Yes Thank you [Cheering and applause] OK, ladies

Prepare to get moist I painted– Show me that picture again I painted the refrigerator I painted the microwave I painted the oven

I painted the dishwasher I took all the panels off, took then down to an auto body place, and just literally had them paint them like they're painting the hood of a car, so I got all the appliances the same color because it was a house from the twenties I didn't want the stainless steel look, and a lot of people said to me, "Well, hey, Carolla, how can you paint a refrigerator? It's stainless steel," and I said, "Hey, you ever seen a DeLorean, bitch?" I've seen them painted Show me DeLorean There you go

That's– [Cheering and applause] That's what a stainless steel car looks like painted red So I was able to paint everything, and, as a matter of fact, I painted the floor, as well Howie, how we doing over there? All prepped, but I'm painting, aren't I? You are Yeah He was painting so hard, his hat fell off

You know what's weird? I'm colorblind I have no idea– I swear to you, I am, so I have no idea what this is, what color What color is this? It's hot pink, Howie Come on You can tell

Come over here No, I can't Ray, we're gonna do a little hole saw action with Mr Mandel, right? Hole saw We're gonna need a hole saw

Bring the whole saw over Lot of guys like to use a half saw Ray, just give me the– give me the thing

but I like to get up in the morning and use the whole saw I do it in the morning All right [Cheering and applause] This is– Ray, do you have our sink? In the morning, I take my wood– it's my morning wood–and I get– Do you have– Don't go blue, Howie I wasn't

I'm going carpentry All right This is– you think it's a drill bit It's called a hole saw Oh, because you get– it drills a hole

It drills a hole Right Yeah It's good, and the reason we're going with this hole saw is because of the radius corner we have on the sink Ray's doing the template of the sink

Ray, do you have the sink itself? I do All right, so, obviously, what we can do is, we can drop it in times 4 corners, and then we'll drop a circular saw in Circular saw to attach from one corner to another Then we can just pop out the whole piece Any questions? Any questions? Right, so you can– Yeah

Steadicam Dave, you can see, it's kind of got that radius going on it, and that's what we're gonna shoot for Who doesn't understand what's going on? All right, so now, Howie, they tell me this one's a little bit tough, so how you feeling? No I'm feeling good Look I'm ready and eager

Ray, should I get him started? No You should get me finished Go ahead There I go There I go

I'm a little bit off All right, Howie You want to try this? No No, but I'm here for you Push

All right Push! Whoa! If you can't do it, how the hell do you think I'm gonna–whoa! Whoa! What? Agh! Wow Wow You're good at this Ray, it's out of battery, you goofball

What, don't we prep this show? [Laughter and applause] Where's the battery? It's out of battery Is it out of battery? Yeah, yeah It is, boss Just a little lighter Don't push that hard

Why is it out of battery? Because you're getting sticking Get a new battery No Watch All right

Watch Ray's gonna screw this up [Cheering and applause] Look what he did to his hard hat It's out of battery It's out of battery

Aha! It's out of battery Not every kitchen needs a sink Why are we out of battery? As long as we have paint– painted doors, you don't need a sink You want to use a sink, go in the bathroom Yeah

All right Joel is here to serve up some social media Joel? All right The, uh–I'm sorry The iPad's out of batteries, too, so– Adam: Oh, Ray must have been in charge of it

Well, Adam, when you started the show, you wanted to help rebuild America You said, "If we build it, they will come" You said you wanted to build a wall around my desk You said a lot of things Well, sure enough, we built a greenhouse a couple weeks ago

Check this out @edliebal– look at that– built a greenhouse All right Howie, this is one of our projects from, like, week 3 Yeah, couple weeks ago

Couple weeks ago, we built the greenhouse, and some great American was at home building along with us, so you mock these people– No I'm not mocking I don't mock I love you These people are at home building along– What's going on, Ray? Look at what he– Oh, there's a– Look

Fire Fire! All right Fire! Hey, Ray, get a– Ray, stop throwing stuff Do one of you have an extinguisher? Ray, get a half-inch drill motor That's what we need

All right Sorry You guys are making me look like I know what I'm doing [Cheering and applause] Oh, and we got the Unabomber, who's built himself a shelter, or is this a greenhouse? Joel: I don't think he's building a greenhouse there You know what? That's my dream come true

My favorite movie growing up was "Boy in a Bubble" He looks like this is what I want to be This guy looked like he voted for Trump twice "Honey, look what I made" All right, so he built the greenhouse, as well

He's a hero, MadFrogPB Yes All right Joel: Yeah Appreciate it, guys

Keep building and keep the questions coming, and don't forget, you can send us your pictures of your build on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram Just remember to use the hashtag #BuildStuffLive, but please, no "Girls" finale spoilers I haven't seen it yet Please Adam: All right

We'll, keep on building We'll go right through the break Check us out on Facebook Live "America's Got Talent," but how about our crew? Do they have talent? We'll find out in a not-so-friendly competition right after this [Cheering and applause] You need a half– need a half-inch drill motor

Stickers–they used to be a good thing– The STP sticker, "Honk if you're horny" sticker, "If the van's a-rockin', don't bother knockin'" These were all good, and then Big Sticker came around, and they want evil Fruit–stickers all over it By the way, you asswipes out there are always like, "Oh, you can eat them It's safe

" Yeah You can eat a cigarette butt It wouldn't kill you When I'm 86, I'm gonna crap out a 14-pound ball of sticker I know it

They're putting stickers on Rolls-Royces Do I have a picture of that? Look at the sticker No I'm not even near out of time That's on the windscreen– or the sun shade, but it's the exact same one they have on a Pontiac Aztek, everybody

Well, Big Sticker came along, and they started putting stickers on my tools, and that's where you crossed the line, Big Sticker That's right These are my putty knives, and now I'm coming for you, Big Sticker Your initials are BS

You want to know why? Because that's some bullshit [Cheering and applause] Welcome back We've been working on our kitchen makeover through the break We have less than 45 minutes left Ray, how's he going? How's it going over there? So what we've decided to do, when you're working the kitchen, improvise

This is going to be the sink, so–look–you can wash small vegetables You can–grapes Say you want to just rinse your grapes [Laughter] See what you do here? All right Very good

It's not working Yeah I know Ray– Ray, this blade's on backwards I know

All right What? The what? We got the blade on backwards Didn't I tell you, Ray? I kept saying, "Flip it over" "No, Howie What do you know?" Flip it over

I can't work with him! All right Well, we're gonna separate you guys You want to help me answer some audience questions? I would like to answer audience questions Joel, someone's got questions from the audience there? Joel: We've got a lot of questions over here Here

Let's start with Donna Hi, Adam I'm looking to update my seventies kitchen and paint the tile, but I'm concerned about drips around the vertical areas, and I don't know what to do with the grout Adam: All right [Saw whirring] You tell her

I'm gonna help You help Ray out You tell her All right, so listen I've painted a lot of tile, so if you want to retile– and everyone thinks you need to retile all the time– they think, "OK

Well, you got to get in there" You'd have to bust this whole thing out with a sledgehammer, make a big mess You'd have to put a mortar bed under there or some WonderBoard or some cement board or something like that, thinset, the whole 9 yards Paint it Yeah

You're right Paint it Now, the thing about the paint, it's always in the prep, so you don't have to worry about the vertical surfaces This is not gonna take any pots and pans or anything like that [Saw whirring] Can you hear me OK? You got me? This is gonna need to be durable because you're gonna be putting the cutting boards on there, pots and pans, occasionally sex with the husband

You don't know [Whooping and cheering] Things could get out of hand [Cheering and applause] Adam: Oh, look at Howie Howie's gonna cut something off No? You're not watching

Gonna want to watch All right, but– Adam: All right Wait a minute All right, so get some 220 on an orbital sander Scuff it real good Clean it real good with, like, denatured alcohol Howie: What did you say about the grout? Prime it really good, and then use two-part epoxy paint, a part "A," part "B," always better

Thin it out with a little either denatured alcohol or–eh, just make it denatured alcohol That'll work for now All right, so epoxy Perfect Thank you

We got another question out there Joel: We do This is Eric and Stephanie You guys are on your honeymoon here? No? No All right

Never mind Hey, Adam Adam: Hey, what's going on? We want to upgrade our kitchen, and we got quoted $3,000 or $4,000, and our budget's only 2,000 How can–how can we make it work? Adam: All right This is your kitchen? Eric: Yeah

Yeah Yeah Boy, it's bringing me back to my childhood That's not– [Laughter] My mom would've walked into this in 1973 and went, "Uh-uh! I can't work in here," and all she made was Salisbury steak Hungry Man frozen dinners, and even that– Look at that All right

No Listen First off, do you have a dog with super low self-esteem or is something dripping off of this bad boy? Eric: Yeah Yeah? You can't get up there and fix it with a little plumber's putty? No I'm not real good– I'm not real handy with stuff like that

All right All right Um, there's a lot of stuff you can do now on the cheap You can paint all this stuff Now, if you're gonna take all your doors and drawers off, take all this stuff up

Take all the hardware off Soak it in, like, paint thinner and paint stripper Get it all stripped off real nice Number everything If you're taking your drawers out and you're taking all your doors off and stuff, number them so you know which one goes back where

Take it outside Prep it Paint it You can get the prefab cabinets now Get an under-mount sink

Get a new unit I think you can do a lot of the stuff yourself, but–let's go–that's what they're doing Howie: I've given myself a timeout [Laughter] Adam: Ha ha ha! That's where Howie is right now Yeah, but 4 or 5 grand is certainly–look

You can spend 4 or 5 grand on a refrigerator if you want I mean, it all just depends Who's the tattoo of? Uh, just some regular girl Old girlfriend? No Not me

Wow! [Laughter and groans] You get to–you get to wear short sleeves around the woman you're married to with the arm closest to her that has the tattoo of the other bitch you used to date Oh, my God, I could never get away with it All right [Cheering and applause] Uh, Howie, come on over here What's going on with "America's Got Talent"? Oh, man, Walk and talk

fantastic, brand-new season starting May 30th on NBC Tyra Banks is our new host Yeah Yes, beautiful, amazing She looks almost as good as the chick on his arm

Ha ha! There's a little Tyra Banks in there All right, so Tyra Banks in, new Tyra Banks new The panel is exactly the same We have, you know, me and Simon and Mel and Heidi, and the talent is even bet– We raised the bar last year

You will see things you have never seen before, and then also next week, you can come see me live in Reno That's what I wanted to say All right We created our own talent competition Are you guys ready to play the game that's sweeping the nation? It's time to play "America's Got Tools

" [Cheering and applause] Wow All right You guys– Wow All right, so I'm gonna be judging Howie, you judge This is how we do it We have Aubrey and Ray and Joselyn here

All right We went to the 99-cent store We got a basket full of tchotchkes for them They both must use one item, at least one item from the basket of tchotchkes, right? Yes They are going to build something that could work in our kitchen, something that would go nicely in our kitchen

I don't know what that is You're gonna be judging I will judge because that's what I do Right Now, don't laugh

Watch me work Thank you All right Whew You guys are gonna build

Howie are gonna judge, all right? You can use the tools behind you there Howie: Do they have a clock on them? Yes We're gonna put up– We're gonna let them build up into the break and through the break, and when we come back from the break, that's when you start doing what you were put on this planet to do, which is judge, To judge To judge which is to judge, all right? Yeah

All right On your marks Get set Go Howie: Wow

Adam: All right, so– So right now, they're just checking out what they have They're checking their junk right now Let me ask you a question Do each of them have the exact same thing, or they have different things? The exact same thing is in– They each have exactly the same thing before them I know

You get building– You know how I practiced for this show? I spent the last two weeks at Build-A-Bear [Laughter] Wow Wasn't Color Me Mine Yeah All right

Joselyn, what are you building? You're not doing anything No I'm strategizing right now No It's very important

You're not doing anything, but who am I to judge? You're the best judge You're a really good judge OK All right Don't want to influence your voting

Adam: They're making noise We need to go to break We're gonna go to break When we come back– They've been building for 30 seconds We got to give them a break

We're gonna declare a winner Oh, wait a minute Hold on Plus, Trace Adkins still holds the record in the Screw Adam Challenge We'll see if Howie can take the hillbilly down right after this [Cheering and applause] [Cheering and applause] Well, welcome back

The crew was working through the break to show off their talent to Mr Mandel All right, guys What I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna count down from 10, and then you're gonna have to drop your tools All right

OK 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Drop All right I'm about to judge

I am about to judge Please Let them explain what they were making, and then you may judge No If they have to explain what they were making, then it's not worth making

OK This is a kind of a box I could put spices in this Yes I could put kitchen utensils or–right? I can put condiments in this

This is very handy, right? Aubrey: Yeah! All right Come on Come on But wait a minute, Howie Where's my camera? Howie, he could've gone with a dovetail joint here or a rabbet or a dado

Instead, he just went with a straight butt joint? You know– Come on, man Audience: Aww I know you're a little bit pinched on time, Aubrey, but you could've gone with better joinery, that's all

So this is a hook All right There's a hook on it Yes so that you can hang– you can actually go into your kitchen, hang this from the– Here I'll hang onto this

OK Hang onto this So this hangs– there's a hook there– and then you have– this is a hook that holds 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 pieces of wood [Cheering and applause] Adam: Wow That is great

Yeah Amazing It is It's a kitchen wooden stick hanger, and then you could just– I think you can rip these apart and flatten dough and do things, but then, Ray– Yeah? Ray, here's what the problem was There's no batteries

It seems to be Ray's theme Ray, um Adam: So that modern art, would you say, Ray? It's a utensil holder

Think of the kitchen Think of the kitchen Uh-huh

and if you saw this in the kitchen– if you saw this in anybody's kitchen– if you were invited over for dinner and they had one of these, you should leave [Laughter] It is a signal– it is a signal that the person should not be in the kitchen, should not be preparing food, shouldn't be taking care of family Ray, this is stupid I've already won So

So the winner? Yeah The winner is– Ray made nothing with more things than anybody else She made wooden sticks hanging from a hook, and–not because it's good, only because it's something– Aubrey this is our winner [Fanfare plays] [Cheering and applause] And now– Aubrey

Aubrey, come here Aubrey, come up Come here I'm not letting you go away empty-handed, Aubrey You know why? Because you made something

Something! All right That's what you did, and for you, I give you this signed picture of me which I signed I signed it a little wrong, and then I corrected it Thank you so much You guys, get back to the building project at hand, and, Howie– Almost done over there

Almost done over there Howie, come over here Come on over here All right, so settle in here for a second Settled

Now, Trace Adkins is still the man to beat in the Screw Adam Challenge That was until I showed up Last week, Jenna Elfman was good, but not great Howie, before the show, you got a chance to dethrone the king Trace Adkins OK

I put safety over speed Right Slow and steady wins the race Doesn't matter if you get it done if you get it done and you're healthy Nothing's poked out

No blood is drawn That's the key Yeah You don't want something to fall out while you're drilling So what you're about to see I don't want anybody to try at home

I actually don't want anybody to ever try it again here Well, they got to try every week because they got to see if they can knock off Trace Adkins, who's sitting on top of the leaderboard right now All right, so it's kind of a drilling, screwing, punt, pass, and kick competition, see who has the best skills Let's take a look Let's just go over the game film here, Howie

All right, so there you are Safety OK, so you've not begun yet I put in the ear plugs That was the problem

Oh, ear plugs All right I gotcha Earplugs, and now you're drilling, and I think we sped this up just a little bit I hit it with the hammer

That's a problem I hit it with the hammer You hit yourself with the hammer? I hit myself with the hammer, and I got hurt OK, so you just left All right, so that's– I just–so– That's a DNF

That's a did not finish And you know what I always say If you–if at first, you don't succeed, [beep] it [Cheering and applause] All right Uh

Sorry Oh, I forgot Yeah

Uh, Howie, we're just gonna– [Audience groans] we're gonna put you down there, and the only reason you're not lower is because I don't have a shovel There I am All right Well, maybe someone else will fail, as well Oh, yeah

I recently went to visit Ed Begley Jr so he could show us all the best ways to make your house green– I love that! and he probably dropped a ton of green in the process You know, I did a series with him Uh, the hospital, "St Elsewhere

" "St Elsewhere," 1982 We were doctors together Let's see what you did at his house Watch what I did at Ed's house

Standing out front of Ed Begley Jr's home, the greenest home in America Don't believe me? Well, there's a bespectacled, old coot that's in there that's gonna tell us all about it This is gonna be like "Cribs" for old, white people with low self-esteem Adam

Ed Begley Jr Thanks so much for coming to my home We're making a fair amount of power, even on a cloudy day We're probably making about a kilowatt and a half right now in this cloudy weather I just came here to score some weed

I don't want to get into the whole house business Oh, OK Rachelle? Let me get my wife I think that's her department You got your own line of dish soap? I do and a beautiful hand soap, too

Mm, oh, made in Korea by orphans Interesting that you'd head that route I had no idea Mm, that's nice We're standing on reclaimed oak

Yes I feel like there's some guy in Sylmar just pulling siding off a whorehouse in Van Nuys and then selling it to gullible celebrities as reclaimed lumber Him and his team, they go to places where they're doing demo, and they get old oak and old ash and old, you know, maple That's exactly what I would say if I was trying to sell overpriced whorehouse lumber to a celebrity Let's head up to the roof and see how all the solar equipment is working

I don't see any bird crap on any of these panels If I was a bird and I knew Begley was living in this house, I'd be gunning for these panels I'm collecting it for that wonderful, high-phosphate fertilizer that comes from bird dung That's why your bud's so good You see? Ha ha ha! These are my solar inverters

Can you run the whole house off the panels? Yes, charge a car, run a house, run a pool All of that together is costing me $37 a month My wife just went through 37 bucks with her hair dryer during the time you were telling me about this A lot of people are like, "Oh, well, Ed's just a penny pincher "He wants to save a few bucks because "he's going with the solar– he wants to save electricity

"He's going with the water, the runoff water, so he can water his fruit trees over there," or, "He's only riding a bike because he has 9 DUIs," and I'm like, "True, but I think Ed really is into the movement" I am and there's a lot of haters out there

I know, but all this stuff that I did, you know, it's good for my energy bills It's gonna mean less foreign oil in the long run, cleaner air in our cities, so I like it for all those reasons Well, thanks for coming, Adam Ed, this has been a treat for me, and I think I've also had a change-of-heart philosophy Really? Yeah

I was, like, an ugly American before I came here– waste, waste, waste– and now I see what you're doing, and it touched me on a very deep level, so I think it's awesome what you're doing here I got to fly I got to jump into the Hemi and do donuts while I eat a pulled pork sandwich It all balances out There's the yin and a yang of it all, right? I think so

Yes Have fun grabbing your yang Thank you [Cheering and applause] Wow Coming up, we'll go to the phones and answer questions from the folks at home

Plus, we build one of the most complicated contraptions on Earth and all to do one very simple task, and we'll fire that baby up next [Cheering and applause] Adam: All right, so, Ed, you're telling me that the bathtub up there is linked up directly to this right here Correct That gray pube water, it's gonna water the fruit trees, Correct and then later on, you'll have little, gray pubes that you can pick off and put in your salad? It doesn't work like that

It goes to the root system The roots absorb only the liquid, only the water I went to North Hollywood High, Ed I think I know what I'm talking about And there you have it

[Cheering and applause] Ah, welcome back Howie Mandel is here He's been helping our build team build the kitchen throughout the break, although he's not been helping them at all He's been tormenting them [Laughter] I want to just make a little note

Ed Begley just called, and he asked me if I could come back next week It's all about the whole recycling thing, even your guests Ha ha ha! All right See what I did? We–we got less than 15 minutes left to finish this kitchen, so we're gonna take some phone calls Oh, yeah

We got phone calls coming up from heaven Who's on the phone? Man, on phone: Mike from Minneapolis Mike from Minneapolis What's going on, Mike? Not a whole lot Get it on, Ace

Get it on, Mike What's your question? Well, to put background on our kitchen, we bought this one-owner mid-century home, and we're gonna tear up the kitchen floor this summer, and anyone who's seen it says that it's probably asbestos or, at the very least, the glue sticking it to the subfloor is Yeah Um, we're just trying to figure out the best way of removing it so we can lay tile down Do we scrape it, cut it up– Howie: Well, first, let's make sure it's asbestos

What I would do is, I would lick it [Laughter] I always lick it because asbestos has a salty, kind of tart– Mike: Well, my kids have a better palate than me Adam: He took the words right out of my mouth

First off, this is the ugliest floor I've ever seen in my life Thank you That was our first thought, too Yeah It looks like the Partridge Family bus was raped by a lava lamp

Uh, yeah They have– You can have it tested What I would do is pull off a little piece, but it's mainly the black cement– or the black underlayment that holds this stuff on that has asbestos, right, Ray? It's not the floor itself It's the adhesive Howie, it's the adhesive, so get it– use one of those labs

Send it out, and then if you do need it and it does have asbestos, then you have to have asbestos remediation or something crew come in in HAZMAT suits and take the whole thing up, but send in and have– have a sample taken Thank you We have another question? Woman, on phone: Hi This is Abby from Aventura, Florida What from who where? Abby: It's Abby from Aventura, Florida

Hey, Abby Florida Other people are hearing this voice, right? It's just not us Right Yeah

You got a question? Abby: Yes This show is so great I actually have a question for Howie Question for Howie What a coincidence

You're here Howie, you're a genius, and I know you did some of the voices on the "Muppet Babies" Hold on

Hold on Let me– What's your wife's name again? Terry Terry, your cell phone reception from behind the grandstands is horrible Just come out and ask a question in real life The ruse is over

It would've been embarrassing had I really got no calls like I did My wife–I love you No I love you I love you

[Cheering and applause] I love you Hey, is the reception any better now? She said something about the voices that I do She said–I do voices You were asking about my voices, right? Abby: So I said that I know that you did some of the voices for the "Gremlins" and the "Muppet Babies" I'm Gizmo, Gizmo from "Gremlins" That's me Yes Oh, yeah

That's you Yeah, and then she said, and the "Muppet Babies" Now, in the "Muppet Babies," I was Skeeter Skeeter–wait, wait, wait, wait, wait [as Skeeter] Skeeter– Skeeter talked like this, [normal voice] right– wait, wait, wait– but then in "Gremlins," I'm Gizmo, which goes [as Gizmo] "Kakagomwaah

" Same voice It's the same voice And then I did "Bobby's World," which is, [as Bobby] "Hi I'm Bobby" Same voice, so I have one voice and tons of work

[Cheering and applause] Uh, caller–I didn't catch her name because the phone was breaking up Abby She said Abby Abby, are we good with Howie, or shall he dance a little more for you? Abby: Well I wanted to know, which cast out of all those voices would you choose to be on your build team What cast out of all those voices would I have on my building team

They would all sound alike Do you realize that one cast is animated and the other is real? And if you believe– if you would hire little, drawn characters to fix anything in your house, you, young lady, are an idiot Wow All right No

I mean that in– I love you I'm just talking– It's my wife I'm talking to my wife All right, Abby Thank you very much

Next time, we'll get you on a landline All right Our friends at Wonderful– Oh, boy Hold on Let me try it again

Our friends at Wonderful Pistachios issued us a challenge Opening their pistachios is one of the easiest things on Earth, but they wanted to see how complicated we could make it, so right now, Aubrey and Joselyn are back in the workshop to show off the crazy contraption we built I'll just stand here, right? You just stand here motionless, an ice sculpture in outer space OK dipped in liquid nitrogen I don't know It's good to be here, not doing anything Aubrey, fire it up

All right, Adam Here we go [Foghorn blows] [Cheering and applause] Whoa! Oh! Damn All right, Howard Oh, thank you

You want to throw some of these out? Wow Adam: Ohh all right

Pistachios for everybody This is nuts We have 8 minutes left on our build It's counting We're gonna show off our brand-new– Ray, you're gonna get sued, and not another paternity suit

All right Yeah OK, so we're back We're about to reveal our kitchen makeover Howie is eating pistachios and drinking soda

A lot of shows have a green room with snacks, but, no, you give a little pack of nuts, and that's supposed to be enough for a guest, and then they throw them during the commercial to the audience and they go, "Nobody eat your nuts yet" All right, so this is about it Look what I did We got two minutes left We've got a piece of rolled vinyl

We're putting this down We're getting all the wrinkles out of it That's just vinyl– it's not actual wood– but you see how it's all painted, how I painted it? It's kind of a matte–a matte gray Yeah Howie did a wonderful job painting that bad boy

The sink is right in, flush to the counter I was able to You did a great job cutting that out

miter the corners there, and what I'm doing, I'm just gonna have the refrigerator moved into place I'm just gonna take a knee with you It's all there I know I feel like an hour is maybe just a little too long, like this show should've been 45, maybe 50 minutes because you hit a wall

This is not a good episode Oh, no No, no, no It's not No, no, no

No I think it's one of the best [Crackling] I think it's one of the best All right I think that must've been Ray

All right Should we do a reveal? Should we see what our kitchen looks like? Are you guys ready for a big reveal here? [Cheering and applause] All right, so Ha ha ha! Howie, if you look at the monitor, you can see what the kitchen looked like an hour ago

Let's see a picture of what it looked like an hour ago This is a before? Yeah Dullsville, daddy-o, and now we see what it looks like We Mandelized it Yes

Feast your eyes on the brand-new kitchen here, everybody Look at it A little paint Aubrey, walk us through it All right, so we painted our cabinet faces

We painted our doors and our drawers We replaced the hardware, nice, new, shiny hardware All right, and now we're out of time, but you get it All right We got to go! We got to go

Thanks to Ray, Aubrey, Joselyn, and Joel A huge thanks to Howie Mandel All-new season of "America's Got Talent" premieres Tuesday, May 30th, 8:00/7:00 Central on NBC, and you can check him out on his tour in Reno May 6th, Nevada Go check that out We'll be back with Joel McHale next week

Bye-bye

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